because i don’t think i want to fully admit to myself what’s happened. but here’s the deal. a week ago, i weighed 166.4. and when i weighed in yesterday, i weighed 166. a loss of .4 pounds. i’ve been eating an average of 900 calories and working out like crazy. and i haven’t lost. so of course, yesterday, i was frustrated. and i binged. and this morning… i binged. and i feel disgusting, you know. cause i clearly can’t control myself unless things are going well.
and since i’ve been eating a huge deficit, the only thing i can see that would make me not lose would be my metabolism getting so used to this calorie intake. in other words ‘starvation mode’. and the only thing i can think of to lose would be to cut my calories. again. and i’m thinking that might be what i’m going to do. i mean, i tried doing it this way, but i lost so much less with restricting calories and i just don’t know how to be patient and how to do it this way.
ugh, i don’t know. i just need to do something different.
I haven’t posted in a while and I feel terrible about it. Part of the reason is probably that I haven’t been eating well at all over the past few weeks, but this is changing today. Summer has somehow caught me off guard and swept me away into a state of complete indifference. Well things are changing and I am very happy about that. But to really celebrate this new beginning I decided to share with you why I am doing this. Maybe this could be a little motivation for you, for me it just is a much needed reminder of where y head should be.
- I was skinny before, really skinny and I want that body back
- Even though I have great friends who love me for who I am I want to feel like I deserve that love. I need to get past my own insecurities to be a more open person.
- Senior prom at my old school (where I would be a senior now) is coming up this November and I need to look acceptable when reuniting with all my friends.
- I would like to be able to dance again. Ballet was and still is an incredibly important part of my life and I would like to look at myself in a leotard and think “I look great”
- Ultimately I’ll be going to college and I want this to be a fresh start. I want to be around new people who haven’t seen me lose and gain over the past three years of my life. I want to look my best for this exciting chapter of my life.
So yea, here are five very practical reasons. I understand that for me weight loss is not just about looking good in a prom dress. But really I think that keeping these things in mind will help me get through this.
What are your goals/reasons?
I’m willing to follow you all!:)
Day Sixteen- When did you first decide to lose weight?
When I was about 10? not kidding,i’ve been bullied because of my weight and stuff but of course when I was that young healthy eating lasted a matter of hours.
Day Seventeen- Do you have an eating disorder?
I have EDNOS.
Food
Breakfast: Porridge with chopped apple and soya milk
Lunch: Home-made veggie burgers (bun, nut cutlet, tomatoes, lettuce, red pepper, olives, avocado)
Snacks: Rice pudding, cherry tomatoes
Dinner: Wholemeal pasta with tomato-vegetable sauce
total 1800 kcal:
Exercise
