master'e blog: February 2009

Saturday, February 28, 2009

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It's Not About Us

Today I had intercessory prayer at church. I am the only one under 25 that regularly attends it. Sad, I know but true. I was drawn to it over a year ago; I wanted to be the one to intercede on behalf of my family, love ones, friends, the lost, etc. I have been attending it for a while and haven't been called upon to lead a prayer until today. I was asked to lead a prayer on behalf of the youth ( I started sweating bullets, I am still conquering the in front of a crowd thing, lol). I am one of the "youth leaders" because for some reason the youth come to me with the things they won't go to anyone else about. I think its because I am honest about everything with them and I won't judge them. So when I led the prayer I asked God to teach us and show us how to love them ALL and show us how to reach them. Not just the ones who listen and attend Sunday School and Youth Service faithfully, but those who live in an unsaved household, those who come in our doors with tattoos, wild color hair, piercings, those who are hurt and only know how to use anger to deal with their pain. I joined the youth ministry over a year ago as the one of the new youth secretary. It started out as an administrative role but slowly became more. The girls began to see me about questions and problems and the boys would come to me to get a big sister point of view. One of the elderly women told me that God is calling me to work with them because I have been where they have been and I want to help them and bring them to where they need to be. I never looked at it like that before. I always looked at it from the angle of why should they be lost if all they need is a hug, a shoulder to cry on, or even someone to take them shopping? Why can't I be the one to do it? One of my older girlfriends told me that ministry takes on all forms but the definition is the same: ministry is serving others. I hope that I can serve others everyday. Even if it's just when I give my seat on the train/bus for an elderly person or cover my co-workers lunch because they're short on funds, etc. That being said, ask yourself "Am I trying to serve others daily?".

Friday, February 27, 2009

Where Do I Fit In?

I constantly ask myself that. I mean constantly; everyday when I arrive at work. I look at my situation (the fact thay I am working is a blessing) but I want to have a career not a job. So those questions always come up: "Where do I fit in? Where is it that God wants me to be? How will I know for sure?" I love design, not just design; I love creating dresses. The flow of the garment, the way it lands, hangs, sways, etc. I know in due time it will work out and I will know where I am supposed to be. I always draw reference to my key Bible verse from last year: Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I picked the NIV version because it says it so plainly. God has plans for you and these plans aren't horrible ones. These are plans to give you hope, to make you prosper, to give you a future. This verse also works well with the situation we as a nation are facing now. With the stocks dropping, layoffs about to hit a million, a global economic recession; we can stand firm on the word of the Lord. Through everything, He will keep us, He won't harm us. We won't suffer or beg for food because the Lord of the heavens is our heavenly Father. He controls EVERYTHING; it doesn't get any better than that.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Barbara Mori With Son, Sergio Jr

Junior knows best: Barbara Mori with son, Sergio Jr in a ‘drink milk’ ad

Though Barbara Mori may be hot and sizzling up the screen with Hrithik Roshan in Kites, not many know that the Mexican actress has a 11-year-old son called Sergio Jr.

Early love

Her love child from Mexican actor Sergio Mayer, named Sergio Jr, was born in 1998. Barbara met the actor during her modelling days, when she was barely 20. They did not tie the knot and she moved on to acting in Mexican telenovellas and later, in movies.

Secret personal life

Barbara's personal life has been veiled in secrecy. The child is not accompanying her for the Mumbai shoot even though she landed in town with her mother, sister and brother."

Barbara and her son appeared in a 'drink milk' Hispanic ad campaign in 2007. Both mother and child sported a milk moustache. It was part of the 'Think Before You Drink' drive.

Milk is best

The model-turned-actress had agreed to be part of the campaign as she wanted to communicate to Hispanic women like her, the importance of drinking milk. She claimed that she had taught her son to drink milk at least three times a day.

Barbara was selected to star in Kites by producer Rakesh Roshan and director Anurag Basu as they wanted to provide the project with an international touch. She plays a Latino girl who is in love with an Indian, played by Hrithik.

Goodbye and Good Riddance!

There comes a point in your life when you have to let something go to gain something. Will you let it go willingly or will you hold on to it until its too much to bear and you lose it anyway. I remember when the Lord called me out of my relationship. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I was craving more of the Lord and he wanted me to walk away from a 3 year relationship that wasn't uplifting God at all. At first, I was putting up a fight but than I realized God was more important and there was something better He had for me. So I walked away and the Lord brought to another level in Him that completely blew my mind and made it worth it all. So I ask you a question: Is there something that you are holding on to that is the same thing God wants you to let go of? Will you do it or let it be your god? Pray about it.

Block? Block. Block?

Friend WHftTS has a recent post on his/her/its 'blog that reminds me of how irksome the collaborative process can be. It is easy to feel lost or frustrated, or both, and sometimes the whole damn thing hardly seems worth the effort. It has to be a strong choice, I think, to collaborate with particular people at a particular time on a particular work, and we have to be prepared to have it go completely different from our expectations. Even then, we may contend with that familiar urge to go ear rippin'. And anyway, we don't always have a choice in one (if not any) of these areas. Theatre, in particular, involves a lot of ball-passing, and very rarely does any quarterback make a 90-yard dash that results in a touchdown.

Ew. When I resort to sports metaphor, it's time for a new paragraph, at least.

Having just come off a highly collaborative process, I'm very sensitive to WHftTS' frustration over people who block. By "block," in this sense, I'm drawing a parallel between collaboration and improvisation (much safer metaphorical territory [is that ambiguous?] for yours truly). A block, in improvisation, is when someone says "no" to a suggestion. A pretty straight-forward rule: Don't say no. Until you consider that the very rule you just stated violates itself by its negative construction. Then think of how conditioned we are to say "no," automatically or otherwise. Then consider how many different ways there are of saying "no," or blocking, without using that particular word; without saying anything at all! It is often quite challenging, saying "yes" to everything. Hell, it's challenging saying yes even once, in some contexts.

It would seem, at first blush, that some critical faculty is required for collaboration, and it is. The trouble is, saying "no," or arguing, is too easy. "Easy?" you demand. "You call that struggle easy?" In a sense, yes, Dear Reader. Blocking is itself a much simpler, more direct choice than, say redirecting, or even trying out whatever's just been given to you. Therein lies much of the problem with blocking, even that of the most sensible and creative variety -- it contributes nothing.

When we teach improvisation, Friend Heather and I get people in the practice of saying, "Yes, and..." at the beginning of each sentence. This is a good ritual for keeping communication open. The first, and most consistent, breach of this rule that always occurs is someone saying, "Yes, but...". Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that one says "yes, but" because they sincerely have a better idea. Hands down. No question. What harm then? The harm is that in disagreement so abrupt and direct, one halts the flow of energy, which is more important to a collaboration than almost anything else. Perhaps worse (for the blocker), in a good collaboration you may find yourself ignored. Like water, the group's efforts have to keep flowing, lest they become stagnant, and you, Dear Blocker, are in their way. More to the point, though, there are other ways of influencing the flow, ways that run less risk of ignoring what might turn out to be a problem-solving idea at that. Focus, explore and contribute, rather than block, and odds are that you'll get a better result every time. Maybe in some cases we can and ought to direct a given collaboration. That can be helpful, but no matter how much your direction is needed, you never own the collaboration. It's always the groups'.

The other block I have on my mind is one WHftTS addresses rather frequently as well: writer's block. Or, I should say, WHftTS addresses the cure, which is regular writing. A discipline. Like a pulp detective, I can't help but feel the two blocks are related in some way(s). I spent a couple of months away from my play Hereafter -- never reading it, much less writing on it, in that time. My intention had been to spend the last two weeks of R&J working it over, but the first week was packed with workshops, and the second . . . well . . . I just couldn't get to it.

It has become apparent to me that I'm actually suffering from a bit of writer's block. That seems natural enough. My writing in general over the rehearsal period had been sporadic at best, downright occasional at worst, so I'm a little out of practice. Plus, I care an awful lot about Hereafter, and so I don't want to mess up whatever I've already gotten right. Plus, I can't recapture how I felt when I was writing it. Plus . . . I mean, I wrote the two best pieces of it months apart from one another, with no regard for unity . . .. And . . . uh . . . er . . ..

"Yes, but . . ."

You can block yourself. In fact, what may be so very frightening about collaboration is that it mirrors the internal process so well. They're both instinctive, wandering, exploratory quests, filled with wrong turns and time, time, time. They're best approached with patience, enthusiasm and direction, albeit ever-changing direction. It's hard enough work without getting in my own way.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sharing is Caring

Blessings to everyone on this day! I am trying to encourage myself in the Lord today (I'm not in a spiritual battle; I just have a really bad toothache/earache/headache that I'm trying not to think about).
I have found blogging to freeing and relaxing. It feels good to share my random experiences, thoughts, etc. I just won't share any of my friends and families names for fear of being attacked by them (lol).
The Lord has been revealing His awesomeness to me day by day and I am in constant amazement by Him. The songs I love a lot lately are "Amazed" by Lincoln Brewster and "All I Need Is You" by Hillsong United. It could be that I am in a constant worship mood lately because its time to rehearse praise dances to Minister on Easter and our upcoming Youth Convention; I love those songs none the less.
But I digress. I have been slowly finding blogs by other saints in Christ that both entertain and speak to my spirit. It seems that these days people either don't talk about Christ or force feed Him to you. I think the best way to reach others and introduce them to Christ is by living Him. You have to live in Christ EVERYDAY so that others can see Him in you. I could stand on a soapbox on the corner of a street and preach until I pass out or I could live the life everyday and minister to others that way. I am a freshman in Bible School and the first year is Evangelism. It's a powerful class; everyday feels like you live what you have learned in classroom. That being said, I realize how important it is to share the Gospel. It's like everyone in the world is dying. Someone gives you the vaccine and saves you from death. You have the vaccine now, will you give it to others or will you keep it to yourself? Think about it.

Reversals of Fortune

Firstly: Over 30,000 page loads! Yay! That is all.

Secondly:

I am beginning to see how the economic crisis will affect me, and others of my ilk. At first, there was a supreme comfort in watching all these richies lose their marbles over watching digital numerals descend. Now, I'm aware that the uber-richies aren't going to feel a thing and perhaps, relatively speaking, I should feel some remorse for the less-than-uber. But I must say, when you're as far down on the fiscal ladder as I, it's difficult to make such distinctions in perspective. (That ended up being a dastardly interwoven, imagistic pun, didn't it?) So I have felt largely schadenfreude, an emotion that is not very common for me. It's completely insensible, too, since I know that rich people aren't rich in spite of me. They aren't keeping money from me, so any resentment I feel is purely self-inflicted. Still and all: Ha-ha.

For some time, it felt as though I had won some terrible lottery that I didn't know I was playing. My lifestyle seemed to defy every pitfall of this downturn, this recession/depression, and in ways very specific to my personal choices. For example, I have an IRA, no 401k. That money is safe, and those who've been making more are now losing out. Another example is my lack of home ownership, car or otherwise asset-enhanced merchandise. It seemed as though I could look at my semi-vagrant, actor lifestyle and say, "Hey buddy, you've actually been sensible. Your frugality and emphasis on the moment was the real safe path. The reckless jokers are actually all these market gamblers and careerists. Here: Here's a pat on your acupunctured back for you." I could recline in my cheap chair and regard the concept of trickle-down economics as an irrelevant, elitist concept from the Reagan 80s.

Alack, it is not so. We're all in this together, as I've known somewhere in the back all along, and on the horizon I can now see the incoming storm. It's in the seemingly little things, like public transportation and food prices, that the first painful slights will appear for we "starving artists." These little things are actually monumentally important -- they're what we spend our little money on. The health insurance I just jumped on due to my newly married status will now not be free. Perhaps most awaking is the fact of the Electric Theatre Company's imminent collapse. Like many (if not most) small regional theatres, ETC is always hovering on the brink of inviability, to the extent that one ceases to notice. But this time around, I couldn't help but see how tight it was all getting. I felt, for the first time, like a strain on the theatre. It was almost an it-or-me scenario in terms of money, and I of course had to choose me.

Though I can't help but be reminded of the Chinese parable of heaven and hell, wherein both places have an elaborate dinner for everyone, but provide only three-foot chopsticks with which to eat. Hell is where they frustratedly starve, heaven where they know to feed one another. Maybe our table has been deprived of its entree, but I still feel the key to getting through this will be to help each other out as much as possible. So I ate some expenses on the theatre's behalf, and I contributed some to their funds, all the while insisting on timely paychecks. Balance in all things. Hopefully some good will come out of this; the bankers and investors will learn to balance too, and the artists will become more focused, more motivated, more true. Hopefully. And in the meantime, some sacrifice and suffering. Some unexpected joy, too.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Girl's Night In!!!

Finally!!! My best friends and I had a girls night. We went to the mall to shop (of course) and went to my girlfriends house later to eat and watch tv and movies. Sadly Jane Austen wasn't an option in the movie pile. What a cruel world I live in! I'm having a major Starbucks White Mocha craving. The last time I had one was last year after my ballet class. I want some sooo bad. Maybe if I do a late night commute to the Starbucks in the city I can get 2 so I won't have to worry about one in the morning. Are they open this late? I think they should have a 24 hour Starbucks! I should patent that idea, I would be so rich! You know what? I should call it an early night, the lack of caffeine is making me delusional.

Meenakshi Sheshadri With Husband Harish Mysoreh and Children Kendra and Sanjosh

Former Miss India and yesteryears dancing queen Meenakshi Sheshadri is married to Harish Mysoreh, an investment banker and is settled in Plano, Texas. They have two children, a daughter called Kendra and son Sanjosh.

Family: Meenakshi Sheshadri With Husband Harish Mysoreh, daughter Kendra and son Sanjosh

Meenakshi With Daughter Kendra

With Daughter Kendra

Wrapping Up Romeo

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!

[The actor is silent, twitching his fingers as if to draw something out, then upping the gesture until it is a furious, full-arm coaxing.]

Arise, fair sun! And, and and...

[The actor looks around himself frantically, finally spotting something in the distant horizon.]

KILL the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid art far more fair than she!

[The actor gives a take to the audience as if to say, "Wow, did you hear me come up with that?" The actor is never sure if this take is going to land as he intends it {that is, as a gleeful sharing of enthusiasm rather than giving the sense that he's impressed with himself} and so, sometimes, he skips it. Sometimes.]

I'll miss my clown Romeo. Though potentially not for long, as the Italians are very encouraging about getting some part (if not all) of the production to Italy to perform, either this summer or next. Still, the curtain has fallen on this particular outing, and it's unlikely that another will be quite the same. So. To review:

The key to my take on Romeo lay in a late note from our clown director, Mark McKenna. He compared Romeo to a puppy -- all loyalty and enthusiasm, no strategy or subtext. This worked great, though I'm sure another performer could have done it better. One of the greater challenges for me in this exploration was to let go of my calculation and crispness in favor of an instinctive openness. I've never done so well at this before, yet I'm certain I didn't take it as far as it could have successfully gone. (So I'll be thankful for another chance, or two.) Romeo had big, ungainly paws and an ear-flapping energy. Part of the beauty of this puppy imagery was that it gave permission to be angry as well as cuddly, which helped me figure out how a clown Romeo could slay a commedia dell'arte Tybalt. It's funny: I used to attribute an animal to every character I played, a technique I've gotten away from in my adult career. Of course playing such a young lover would end up being nested in that work!

Prior to that image, there was a lot of struggle on my part to succeed as a clown in the role and, as I said, my success was mitigated by me just being me. I remember in college my TV/film acting teacher told the class that I shouldn't be going after non-brainy roles, that my "look" or "type" was too focused for that. I thought, thank goodness I'll be doing theatre, where I can more easily transform, but the personality traits she was picking up on were perfectly valid. I'm a thinker. That's not to say I'm especially intelligent, just that I work from my head first whenever I can. Bad habit for an actor, generally speaking, which is part of what I like about trying to do this amazing craft. I like the work involved in getting instinctive, getting into my heart. That didn't save me from some fury-inducing frustration during this rehearsal process (natch'), but even that was reminiscent of my teenage years, and so wasn't entirely an obstacle.

I have come to a new appreciation of the axiom that "there is no subtext in Shakespeare." This is a saying so often said that it is starting to lose letters, holes appearing like new constellations in the firmament of phraseology. (And yes, I do miss the language already.) In the little roles I've previously filled, it was apparent to me that every character says what is on his or her mind, and nothing less, but it wasn't until trying to fill out a role like Romeo that I felt how essential that no-subtext rule is. You don't just say everything as you feel it, you express it, wholly, and the whole thing is in motion the whole time. There is no stop to your internal life, there is no censorship or, ultimately, room for grand interpretation. Take, for example, the following:

"This gentleman, the Prince's near ally, my very friend, hath got this mortal hurt in my behalf. My reputation stain'd with Tybalt's slander -- Tybalt, that an hour hath been my kinsman! Ah Juliet; thy beauty hath made me effeminate, and in my temper softened valor's steel."

This ended up being the text I most had to mess with, interpretation-wise. Somehow in the clown world and with our vasty cutting of the text, it needed to be an upbeat bit, in order to more dramatically drop in the moment when Benvolio came back with Mercutio's mask in hand to tell of his demise. It's right there: mortal hurt. Romeo's upset and knows that Mercutio's at death's door, yet I felt I had to play it lightly, as though Romeo were oblivious right up to the last second. It never felt right, and it never would, because there's only so much room for interpretation. The conditions are all right there in the text, and honesty lives in living them out in their time and measure.

Apart from a few other little alterations, I feel strongly that our show was very true to the story and the characters. There was some doubt of this to begin -- we didn't know if a clown & commedia world would work at all, much less whether it could be convincingly applied to R&J. (Note: Next time, Jeff, read through the play a couple of times before you get super excited about your concept....) We were lucky in discovering, in my opinion, that this concept was in fact well-suited to the material. Romeo and Juliet are just as innocent and moment-to-moment as clowns, and they are surrounded by a world of connivers, and scarred fighters, and hypocrites. And all these people are lovable, even the worst of them, which makes the tragedy truly, uh, tragic. You feel bad for everyone. It will be a while before I'll be able to see the play as anything other than how we conceived it. Indeed, watching film versions of it I'm compelled to laugh, especially during the back-to-back "banished" scenes. You can't expect me to believe that he wrote those without some sense of the comic irrationality of teenagers.

One criticism of the show lingers for me: That it was too manic, that the tragedy was ultimately undermined by all the broad comedy preceding it, and came off as too abrupt. This sticks with me because I feel quite the opposite. To me, life is like that. Tragedy is abrupt, and I meant every emotion prior to our characters' deaths, regardless of how comic the effect was, so I feel that there was plenty of room there to believe that something truly sad was happening. This critique is also interesting to me because, technically speaking, Romeo & Juliet is not exactly a tragedy. The deaths are quite accidental and unnecessary, rather than inevitable. There is no return to the status quo, true (the hallmark of classical comedy), but neither are the main characters of especially high status. Furthermore, it seems to me that Shakespeare knew this, and spent some effort to counteract it. Of all the lines we cut, a great many were (I believe coincidentally) of a foreboding nature. Hardly a scene goes by without Romeo and/or Juliet saying something about a bad dream or sudden image of death. Methinks the playwright doth protest too much, in other words.

What we made, ultimately, was a very broad, structured comedy that aspired to inspire tragic catharsis at the end. I know we reached this aspiration for some, and not for others. Such is theatre, such is life. I feel very fulfilled, now all is said and done. It was not as I imagined it, but that's collaboration, and the show was probably better for it. I learned much, and kept learning, which I take as a sign that we were doing something right in terms of story and character. The audiences enjoyed themselves, and we achieved some measure of delight, surprise, and grief. It was funny, and it was beautiful, and if I never get to play another leading Shakespeare role again, I can happily hang my hat on this.

That's not my plan, though. I've got a taste for it now.

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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

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