No Words...

There are days when I would rather be at home in my bed, locking myself off from the outside world. I am one of those people that if it can happen, there’s a chance it will happen to me. I finally figured out something about myself that I don’t like. I am an emotional sadist. I destroy, tear down, and ruin myself emotionally so no one else will have a chance. Then, I only associate myself around people who won’t put me out of my comfort zone: they only talk about themselves, barely ask questions about you, etc. I came upon this realization because I just spoke to my ex boyfriend today and he told me that he’s expecting a baby. I felt like I was being suffocated, then I realized why. We are still attached; there’s a yoke between us that hasn’t been broken yet. I still love him and he still loves me; and there lies the problem. I can’t move on if I am dragging something with me that will put me over the weight limit. I am the “numb point” now. That’s the point after you found something out and you turned it over to God but you haven’t really assessed the situation yet. I know that God is sovereign and that He already saw this situation and the result before the universe was made; I know that He has wonderful plans for me (Jer. 29:11). All I have to do is surrender.