What Can I Say?

This weekend has been an experience. I went to the mountain and came back with a determination to live a life that represents Christ in all aspects. It is so amazing that I used to think that I was experiencing God only to have Him show me that what I was experiencing was nothing compared to what I can experience now. There are higher levels to experience in Him! I am humbled that He would love someone like me....I have made up my mind, there's no turning back.

Going Through the Motions & Giving My All

This might hurt, it's not safe

But I know that I've gotta make a change

I don't care if I break,

At least I'll be feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind

Let Your love make me whole

I think I'm finally feeling something

'Cause just okay is not enough

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions

I don't wanna go one more day

without Your all consuming passion inside of me

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,

"What if I had given everything,

instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)

take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)

take me all the way (through the motions)

take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

This song has been heavily on my mind today. This Thursday, my sister and I will leave to go on a retreat in Upstate New York. It isn't like those Youth retreats I usually go on; this will be a life changing, higher level in Christ, leaving a totally different way retreat. I'm excited and at the same time I'm nervous. The bible verses I've come across lately are all about giving my all:

"And he answered, ^'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.'" Luke 10:27

"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

"And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 11:13

"Only fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

What does giving your all look like these days? And how do we make sure we're not going through the motions just so people won't know or suspect something is wrong? I don't know about you, but I desire a higher level in Christ. Let me rephrase that: I don't desire a higher level, I NEED a higher level. I can't go on in this society and in this time with a lackluster anointing. I need to be empowered, recharged, I need that coming from the mountain glowing because I had a serious encounter with God experience. The one that doesn't fade a week after but leaves me hungry and thirsty for more of Him. I have been asking God to show me how to live a life that is totally surrendered to Him; not just feel the way people say I should be feel a total and complete change....I feel He will have an answer for me on the retreat. Be blessed.

I Am Not My Own

"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV)

I love these verses. Not only because they cancel out everything the world says about our body belonging to us so we can do what we want, but they also shows us how sacred our body is. Our body is a temple. The definition of a temple is an edifice or place dedicated to the service or worship of a deity (God, for us Christians). A temple is also a place of  that the Holy Spirit inhabits. My body is a temple....that's a pretty sobering discovery. The Holy Spirit lives in me. In me! So....that means that it must always be kept clean, must always be cleansed, checked for cracks, leaks etc.

I am not my own. Well, that changes everything. If I was my own, I can do whatever, whenever, however with whoever, but since I was bought with a price (Jesus' blood) and now belong to Him; I have to live a life that allows Him to be able to call on me at all times...that being said I move to my next topic.

Lately, I have taken out certain things (coffee...sigh..., excess sugars, salts, etc.) from my eating habits because I have to start beating my body into shape for the dance ministry. And from my daily devotionals, God seems to agree with me. To be honest, it has to be one of the hardest things to do: to remind myself that my body is the Lord's temple and what I do or don't do (insert lack of exercise and sleep) and put into it really matters. So when I went for that run last week and my body was crying out in protest I had to recite Philippians 4:13 to myself (literally, it was that bad) to keep going.

The good thing is I'm noticing the difference already, and I am going to need the extra energy for the 6 hour rehearsals with the dance teams and that doesn't even include the hours for working on the dances and music.....which brings me to the next topic: music. I love good music; get a guitar and drums involved and I am happy, get some soca involved and you have trouble. Lol, what can I say, its the Barbadian in me. My hips just start to move. I have to admit lately I have drifted from my Christian music to secular indie bands and my old poison of choice: Maroon 5. Listening to Maroon 5 and trying to keep pure thoughts is not possible, I mean have heard their lyrics? Their lyrics give me visuals....visuals grow into desires....desires grow into opportunities.....opportunities grow into sin....sin prevents me from ministering in dance....which prevents the message that God has called me to deliver to be aborted....which puts me back at square one....which is me further back than where I need to be....which translated to delete Maroon 5 off of my Pandora.
 So, now that I am aware of what I am putting in my temple, how I am taking care of my temple, the music that I listen to that sets an atmosphere of worship, He will always be able to us me... I can't wait to get there. Be blessed.

How Great is My Savior's Love For Me

I am not perfect. In fact, I will gladly point out my errors: I am a complete mess. I am not someone that anyone should look to as an example of Christ but rather an example of the capacity of Christ's love. He took me broken up, disgusted, filled with suicidal thoughts, left for dead and He gave me life.....Even better, He laid down His life for mine. What kind of man would do that? No man actually but Jesus. God loved me soooo much that He looked past my present state and saw where I would be in Him and my future state. He didn't tell me "if you mess up again, that's it" but instead He kept using His blood to wipe away my transgressions, my faults, my disappointments, everything....at this moment as I type this I find myself more in awe of Him then before. Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit.....The Three-In-One. My Father, my Brother, my Friend, my Lover of my soul, my Judge, my Provider, my Healer, my Peace. God sent His Son Jesus to die for someone who is so unworthy but God wanted to give me the chance to live.

Compromising......

“Now therefore fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and in faithfulness….” Joshua 24:14a ESV (Bolded by me).




I hate when I find myself in a place where my words doesn’t mirror my actions. Lately, I have been asking God to make sure my “Sunday language” (I love this phrase. It means the things I say in church) matches my everyday lifestyle. Let me tell you: never ask God for something because when He delivers on His side you will have to deliver on yours. I can say the past month; the past week even has been an eye opening experience. I realize there are areas in my life that I will not compromise with and than there are areas where I would and I shouldn’t at all. I realized that I have reached a point where I love God more than wanting approval from peers, co-workers and friends. I want to please Him and make Him happy; so that requires a no-compromise on my part in many areas. Why a no-compromise? When people see that you are CONSISTENT (there goes that word again) and your lifestyle lines up with the word of God, you can draw people to Christ because your “no” is always “no” not “yes, on the weekends” and “no during the week”. If we compromise in certain areas of our lives when the word tells not to we become a hindrance to the
 building of God’s kingdom instead on a help. Let me use an illustration for you: imagine a wall is being built and you are assigned to a certain section. You make the bricks and build the wall. You have a certain list of ingredients and a mock up of how the wall should look. You decide you will use your own ingredients or skim on some and build the wall the way you like because the mock up and ingredients list is to hard to follow and will take too long. Soon, part of the wall that is being built start to crumble, but it’s not just your part of the wall that’s starting to fall it’s the WHOLE WALL! If you did your part the way you were supposed to, it wouldn’t have happened. That’s how it is in our walk with Christ, God lays out a plan for us and we know for a fact it’s not a bad one (Jeremiah 29:11). He even illuminates the way for us in His word (Psalm 119:105) which is our guide book with all the ingredients to make this life a good one. If we swerve from the path and still try to do the work and confess with our mouths and not with our lives, we will push people further from Christ instead of closer because we decided to cut corners.


We are ONE body (Romans 12:4-5) (arms, hands, feet, toes, fingers, back, legs….you get the picture) and we must work TOGETHER. Body parts can’t operate apart from each other, imagine how we would look if one hand decided to go one way the other another way and our feet in two different directions= absolute chaos! That’s how it is in the body of Christ. We all have certain functions, duties and gifts that TOGETHER work for the building of the church and kingdom. So I have to do my part and you have to do yours and that means INSIDE and OUTSIDE of the church. If you feel like I do, like there’s areas in your life that you compromise aware and unaware bring it before the Lord in prayer….I warn you, He will answer and there maybe things that you may not like about yourself when He reveals it but the blessing is knowing that you have a Father in heaven who loves you and wants you to be more like Him. So when He reveals it to you ask Him to work on those areas in you (you may have to do work as well, don’t be lazy! Lol) and watch the difference it will make. That being said, I (finally) close with this over-used quote: “If you don’t stand for anything, you’ll fall for anything.” That statement packs a punch when you really think about it. What are you not standing for that is allowing you to fall? Be blessed.

Random Musing: My Quarterlife Crisis

Lately I have been dreading awakening and starting my day. It's the same routine: work, home or work, church. No variations, nothing exciting and interesting. I don't compare my life to others; I just think about where I could be if I buckle down and get serious.  Even working on my portfolio for design school has been a nightmare. I have no inspiration! After praying and thinking things over I realized what my problem is: I'm having a Quarterlife Crisis. I'm 25 years old (will be 26 in 1 month), I have a job but not a career, I'm single with friends who are all either married or engaged and I don't do anything for fun anymore. So, I am determined to make changes for the better. I'm trying to figure out what to do to get some inspiration for my portfolio asap since the deadline for early admission is in one month, I am trying to learn more about myself and what truly makes me happy, sad, etc. and I'm opening up my circle of friends. Most importantly, I'm working on my relationship with the Lord. I will know more about myself once I know more about Him. It's so funny how once I start to feel disconnected from Him, I start to feel disconnected from myself. It's like a relationship; when you haven't seen your boyfriend/girlfriend in a while you feel it. I want my next year to be blessed and led completely by God........be blessed.

Fasting From Sex

....Lol, I know what you are thinking: "fasting from sex?" Let me explain. I had the blessing today of coming across a blog about the Blessings of Singleness and it mentioned fasting from food. I started to think about how fasting from sex or abstaining until our season of marriage is like fasting from food. When we fast from food our stomach still grumbles like when we abstain (especially those who have been sexually active before) from sex we still have a desire for it; but we press through it and put it before God because He will give us something better than.......a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's, lol. It had me thinking: when we don't really stress it and approach it on a day-by-day situation and REMIND ourselves everyday that God is more than able (since He is our architect; He made us this way) to handle this and keep us, it gets a little bit easier. I remember when we did the Daniel's Fast how the first week was the hardest, but as each day passed I didn't think about it much. I was focused. If I approach this the same way, knowing some days will be harder and staying in God's word and before Him; it will get easier because He will be giving me the strength. That being said, I want to leave these verses (NIV) to encourage you:

1. Jeremiah 29:11 (My most favorite verse)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

This verse reminds me that in that hour when it seems darkest and I doubt God; He already has it all mapped out and it will work out fine. All I have to do is follow that path He is leading me down.



2. Galatians 5:16

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

This verse is pretty much self-explanatory; live by the spirit (a lifestyle that is in the Word and led by God) and you will not gratify the desires that are flesh- based. If you live for God and have a relationship with Him you wouldn't want to grieve Him by following and doing things that you know will break His heart. It like God is your spouse; you wouldn't intentionally do things to strain the relationship and hurt Him, right?



3. 2 Corinthians 4:17

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

This one is the verse that belongs on my mirror so I can see it every morning. It just reminds me that this is nothing; the eternal glory, eternity trumps this little thing.



4. Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

If you keep your mind on Christ not on who is in a relationship now or getting married while you're still single, blah, blah, blah.....you will be calm and in peace. Trusting God is the hardest thing to do nowadays; we live in a microwave nation and we expect God's time to match ours. But if just let Go and let God because HE DOES KNOW WHAT HE IS DOING we will be in perfect peace. Perfect is a powerful word; it means no faults, errors, nothing. Can we /will we trust God? What would that look like?



5. Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I am focusing on the first part of that verse, "delight yourself in the Lord". How can we or what can we do to delight ourselves in the Lord? I can think of one thing: treat Him like your best friend and tell Him everything, look forward to those times when you can speak to Him candidly. Get excited about this wonderful relationship you have with Christ Jesus!!!!!



That being said, I hope I have encouraged others in their season of singlehood; I know I have encouraged myself.





Be blessed!


image source: photo.net Entitled: Alone by Miguel Angel de Arriba Cuadrado

Absence Has Made My Heart Grow Fonder.....

I am a horrible blogger; I admit it. I have been so busy and neglected you. So, let me update you. We just had our Youth Convention. The theme was "Experience the Glory" and boy did we. It was absolutely amazing!!!!! My cousin entered courtship and I'm counting down the days until she walks down the altar. So, that leaves me as the token single girl in the bunch now. This basically translates to avoid ALL events where it will be a couples thing instead of friends hanging out ( I discovered that people in relationships are always trying to hook up their poor single friend, lol), seek out my single SAVED friends and start hanging out more often (this means the friends who love the season of singlehood they are in; not  the ones counting down the minutes, seconds, and milliseconds until they are in courtship), and enjoy this time to myself to work on anything I want. I am going to try to blog on a regular basis.......

Not Somebody; Someone....

I blame my mom for the reason I can’t use the words: somebody, nobody, and anybody. My mother told me when I was younger when you use those words, you are referring to a lifeless body…..let’s just say it stuck with me. So when I kept hearing the song “Use Somebody” by the Kings of Leon, I keep correcting the song. The sad thing is I have been doing it A LOT. I have heard so many songs where I find myself correcting the lyrics; especially secular songs. I guess it’s because I know God and I have a relationship with Him that when I hear these songs that contradict the word of God I find myself correcting it. LOL, I never thought I’ll see the day. Sorry for all that banter. It was just something I have been thinking about.

Measured and Found Lacking....

I haven’t blogged for a whole month! I am sooooo sorry! I am going to keep you up to date:

This month was our 32nd Church Convention (October 11th-18th, 2009). The theme was: “Stir Up the Gifts that is Within You” from 2 Timothy 1:6. It was an awesome week! The week before was praying and then I had to prepare our church newsletter/magazine called “Endeavor” for it. I have been so busy with it that I barely had any sleep.

My birthday dinner is at the Riverview in Long Island City, Queens. The guest list started out at 30 but now might be around 17-20. I would like for it to be an intimate affair but we’ll see. While I’m on the topic of the birthday dinner, a certain someone maybe a no show. But the dinner isn’t for him, it’s for me. You don’t turn 25 everyday.


My dress!!!!!! Where do I begin? I didn’t get in contact with my dress maker so I will have to buy a dress; the problem is that I don’t see any dresses that I like! Oh woe is me! I did see this awesome dress at H&M but we’ll see.

Dance- I am so humble and blessed that the Lord has allowed me to lead the Dance Ministry at my church. The vision has grown and I will be supervising 3 dance ministries. God is so good! I went to a Praise Dance Seminar today and was so blessed! I am so excited for the next chapter.

My relationship- My relationship with God is showing me that I could be sooo much further but I am holding myself back. I have found lacking and it’s time to get to work. I realize that we as Christians are always silent while other groups shout their beliefs and lifestyles from the hilltops; it’s time to stand unashamed!
There are areas that I am lacking in but I learned in my weakness His strength is shown.


My 25th Year a.k.a My Quarterlife- I am determined to end ties, and severe things in my life that are not of God and hinder my growth. It’s time to stand and stand for all to see. I have to make sure my lifestyle echos my words. It’s a new season; there’s no turning back. Also, I am back in Bible School! I started General Bible Survey 1. It’s a lot of work!

I hope that you guys have been blessed; I apologize for such a gap in my blogging. There has been so much on my plate lately. Be blessed.

So Nervous!

I told you earlier that the Lord gave a word to a friend of mine and she will tell me tonight. I am the type of person that goes through everything with a fine tooth comb to figure out if I am missing something that He is trying to tell me. Is He going to tell me to focus just on Him and seek Him more? Stop being distracted? Desire only Him? Stop entertaining things and thoughts that aren’t in His will for me? I could literally post a blog with a list of things I think He would tell me. The question remains: was He trying to talk to me and I wasn’t looking? Was He trying to show me something that I wasn’t seeing? Let us ask ourselves that question today and see what God reveals the question to be. Be blessed.

The Lover of My Soul

I have been developing a deeper relationship with the Lord. It’s funny to explain it. I dress with Him in mind, I talk to him as I do things, and I want to hear His voice always. I never thought it would feel like this; that it would feel like I’m actually in a relationship. I remember hearing people say let God love you because He can love you like no other and I never realized how true it actually is. I am not going to say I don’t miss companionship (people look at you weird when they see you talking out loud, lol) but I don’t need it as much as I thought I did. I am seeing that so many people need Him. I wish everyone would let Him into their hearts because He’s a lover like no other.